Adventures in Foster Care

This one’s pretty vulnerable, so y’all be gracious. A few weeks ago, I was going through a very challenging time with one of my kids, trying to navigate biological family relationships. The mother had lashed out at me, and I got defensive. Does she even know what I have done for her? She should be grateful that I have her child in my home. How dare she disrespect my role as foster mother. In that moment, I judged her. I wanted her to know that I was more capable of parenting her child than she was. I wanted to be the hero in this little girl’s life. I would like to say that this was just a passing moment of temporary pettiness, but it wasn’t. It turned into full-blown offense that I carried for weeks. Thankfully, the Lord is quick to convict and I have a best friend who isn’t afraid to speak truth to me!

John 8:1-7 begins the story of the woman caught in the act of adultery.

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” John 8:1-7

This is what the Lord spoke to me about this situation:
That biological mother was caught in the proverbial act of adultery. She had been caught in her sin and as a result, her child was removed from her custody. Although she hadn’t literally been dragged naked through the crowds and thrown into the dirt, her struggles were now uncovered for everyone to see.

And in this scenario, I was the one doing the dragging. I had all but cast her down at the feet of Jesus in my prayers asking, or rather demanding, him to pass judgment on her. I made sure everyone in my circle knew that I was the hero in this story. I was the religious crowd and the Pharisees standing there, rock in hand, muscles tensed, just waiting for a nod of approval from the Master to stone her.

I would love to say that everything has been fine since I had this realization, but the situation is just more nuanced than that. I have to continually place this at the feet of Jesus and ask him for grace. She is this little girl’s mom and that relationship is everything. That relationship is much more costly than my pride.

I have to remind myself that God didn’t call me to foster so that I can ride in on my white horse and be the hero. He didn’t call me to foster to fulfill my need to mother. He called me to fulfill the Great Commission—to make disciples.