Adventures in Foster Care

“Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

My 9 yo always struggles with defiance, but major meltdowns are thankfully few and far between these days. When she first came to my home just over 5 months ago, they were frequent, intense, and lasted for hours. They are emotionally and physically exhausting and it takes a while to decompress.

Last night, it was a simple act of defiance that triggered this meltdown. At our church’s Living Nativity, She was asked to do something and after ignoring the request several times, she finally responded with a resounding, “No.” After a lengthy discussion about her actions and being told to apologize, she continued to spiral.

I finally told her that she and I were going home. This was certainly not what she wanted to do, so she began to bargain with me. “But I’ll be good.” “I appreciate that, but our actions have consequences and we need to go home,” I replied.

“I’m just ugly and stupid. Everyone thinks that I’m just an ugly and stupid girl.” My heart began to break.

“You think I’m just a fat, ugly, stupid girl.”

“I don’t think that at all.”

“Yes you do!” And she buried her head in her arms and cried.

My initial response was defensiveness. I’ve never said any of those things to her and she needed to be reminded of that. But this wasn’t about me. This was so far from being about me.

When we got home, I immediately started speaking life over her. I told her I loved her.

“NO YOU DON’T!”

I told her God loved her.

“NO HE DOESN’T!”

I told her she was beautiful, had a wonderful laugh, a fun personality, a gorgeous smile. With each statement I spoke over her, she screamed out a rebuttal.

I realized that no word I could possibly speak would do, so I began to speak God’s Word over her.

“Did you know that you are the apple of God’s eye? That means when God looks at you, his eyes sparkle. You are God’s masterpiece. That means that he worked on you with his own hands and when he finished, he was so proud of the work he had done. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. That means that God handpicked everything about you and made you exactly the way he wanted you. You were knit together in your mother’s womb. That means that when you were still in your mommy’s tummy, God took great care to design your smile, your hair, your eyes, your personality, your laugh, everything about you.”

I was met with no more rebuttal. This time, however, she buried her face in the chair and refused to look at me. My 9 yo was filled with shame and my heart broke further.

After a couple of attempts to run out of the house, I took her to her room. She tried to tear the blinds down to get out through the window and finally, after getting very stern with her, she climbed into her bed.

With several more minutes of crying, shouting, and hyperventilating she began to reach for me. I met her where she was, wrapped my arms around her. She melted into me and began to sob. The only thing I knew to do was pray in the Spirit over her. I began to pray that God’s peace would settle around her and flood her heart. I told her how much I loved her.

She finally de-escalated enough that we were able to return to church to finish out our living nativity. The remainder of the evening was relatively uneventful.

This morning, my beautiful, challenging 9yo woke up, came into the kitchen where I was making coffee, wrapped her arms around me, and smiled the most amazing smile.

“How are you feeling this morning?” I asked.

“Joyful.”

Y’all, my heart began to swell. God’s restorative power is at work in her heart and that has been very evident throughout my time with her. I am not enough. God didn’t call me to heal this child. He called me to love this child while he heals her. He is calling life from death, beauty from ashes, healing from broken heartedness. He is giving her the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. She is worth every heartache, headache, and frustration. God has allowed me a front row seat to his work in her and I couldn’t be more joyful about that.